


i want to try

by bxbyfxcx



Series: 100 ways to say 'i love you' [21]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous Relationships, Bipolar Bokuto Koutarou, Depression, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic, kind of??, we goin sad boi hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 09:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19903639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxbyfxcx/pseuds/bxbyfxcx
Summary: "You might like this."bokuto has been burying himself alive and while kuroo knows he can't cure him, he'll try his hardest to make living a little eaiser





	i want to try

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write this from the Kuroo's POV, cause it's real easy for me to write about being depressed but i've never thought about how it must make the other person feel to watch on helplessly, y'know?
> 
> its nearly been a whole month since my last fic cause i got acrylic nails for my birthday and i cant type with claws on lol, they're all clipped down now tho so here we go baby. have some sad shit bc my life is rough right now and i love projecting :')
> 
> song referenced is [Fix You by Siv Jakobsen](https://open.spotify.com/track/3OCQ210Uv42POKC2f2CxuK?si=DdcZ1Bi8RdKfQ8FA3L1HJw) which is in my Bokuto spotify playlist ;) [@bxbyfxcx](https://open.spotify.com/user/bxbyfxcx?si=wcWnOpO6SVKR6Z-EnKVZ7g)
> 
> the song has a soft folk vibe, it's super melancholy, and gorgeously haunting with lyrics that anyone who is neurodivergent/mentally ill or loves someone neurodivergent/mentally ill can relate to.

Kuroo had been watching Bokuto bury himself alive the fast few days. He had been working on projects and essays every night right through until the early hours of the morning, running drills in the gym, nonstop, well after practice hours. Even Coach had settled for just leaving the keys on the bench by the door, knowing that he'd clean and lock up once he'd exhausted himself enough, or when Kuroo came and got him. 

Last night had been rough. Bokuto came back to their shared apartment, slamming the door and throwing his things haphazardly by the door, then he dragged his feet all the way to his room. Kuroo couldn't bring himself to go check on him, knowing that he wouldn't get a coherent reply. They both went to bed in a bad mood that night. 

It was around 9:30am the next day when Kuroo decided enough is enough. Kuroo was up and ready for his afternoon classes faster than he thought he'd be so set to making some pancakes. Pancakes always cheered Bo up. Kuroo sighed and mentally gathered himself before going to confront the beast. 

He knocked on the door as courtesy; Getting no response, he opened it slightly and poked his head in. Bokuto was laying face down, motionless on his bed. His room was a god damn mess of laundry piles, scrunched up paper and takeout containers. The room practically smelt like a depressive episode and Kuroo winced trying to think of harmless things to say to try and coax Bokuto into being a functional human, even if just for an hour or two. 

"Hey Bo, are you awake?" he gently asked into the room. Walking towards the foot of the bed slowly. 

Bokuto shook his head minutely from where it was buried. Kuroo tried not to sigh aloud. He squeezed his eyes tightly together. 

"I'm making breakfast, want me to make you a plate?" 

"I'm not hungry." Bokuto ground out, voice muffled by the pillow his face was still in. Kuroo felt white hot anger make his whole body jerk. He wanted to grab Bokuto by the shoulders and shake this bad mood out of him, maybe he could rattle his skull enough that this sadness that made a home there fell right out of his ear and scurried away. 

"You're not doing anyone any good by over-working yourself and sleeping all day. You need to take care of yourself." Kuroo was getting more agitated by the second, wanting his best friend back, not this sluggish imposter who just looked like him but paler. 

He wrenched the covers off of his body and threw them on the floor, he manoeuvred around the room, opening the windows and flinging the curtains open so they weren't sat in darkness. 

"Maybe I don't want to." Bokuto muttered petulantly. 

"You could at least try." He whipped around and glared at the back of Bokuto's head. He tried not to let the anger show in his voice, as it wasn't directed at Bokuto, not really. He was angry that Bokuto never took care of himself. He was angry at that little voice in his head told him he wasn't good enough; he was angry that Bokuto listened to it. He was angry that Bokuto thought so lowly of himself, thought that he wasn't worthy of anyone's love or concern. 

"What time is it?" Bokuto asked gruffly. He rolled onto his back and settled again. His eyes still closed, not wanting to face Kuroo's disappointed eyes just yet. 

"9:43am. Did you go blind? How many fingers am I holding up!" Kuroo grabbed his face and tried to pry his eyes open but Bokuto slapped the hands away from his face gently, barely mustering a false smile for Kuroo. 

He opened his eyes finally and looked at Kuroo, his usually bright eyes were dull and tired, dark bags underneath them pulling them down and making him look old. He raised his pointy brows and tried to smile but it looked like more a grimace. Kuroo raised his eyebrows in return, waiting. 

"What's for breakfast?" Bokuto asked after a second of silence. 

"Pancakes!" Kuroo stood and slapped his thigh, "If you're not out of bed in 5 minutes they'll all be gone so, shake your tail feather." He stood in the doorway a second longer waiting to see Bokuto stand up. He only moved out of the room when he did and started taking off his old clothes. He heard the shower click and the door clatter shut and nodded silently thanking some higher power that the promise of pancakes seemed to work. 

Kuroo went back to the kitchen and set to finishing the pancakes, getting all of the honey and syrups, chocolate chips and whipped cream ready for Bo when he came out. He was going to get a genuine smile from the man even if it killed him. 

Bokuto eventually emerged, hair wet against his face, he was wearing a soft shirt and boxers, padding towards the island, taking a seat and waiting quietly for the food. It unsettled Kuroo when Bokuto was so quiet. Usually he was ranting and raving about nonsensical things, his dreams, a bird he saw yesterday, something funny a teammate said. Instead he was sat with his cheek on his hand, staring blankly at the table top. 

Kuroo made quick work of plating up and sat down opposite him, Bokuto slowly reached for the honey and chocolate then set to munching away. Kuroo felt a pang of defeat but shook it off. He picked his phone up, putting some folky music on, spying up at Bokuto through his hair and saw him smiling lightly, nodding his head along to the music. Kuroo nearly threw a fist up in victory but managed to stop himself. 

"How do you always know what to do?" Bokuto asked out of the blue. Kuroo looked up at him fully to see him pensively staring at him. Kuroo gulped silently. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You always know what to do, when I get like this. You always know how make it better." Bokuto said shyly, as if he was telling a secret he'd been holding onto for a while now. 

"Because I know you." Kuroo smiled when Bokuto ducked his head and huffed out a laugh. He felt the joy wash over him and nearly cried in relief when Bokuto looked back up, a small but real smile on his face. 

Kuroo grabbed his phone again and typed something before putting it between them. 

" _You might like this_." 

Bokuto tilted his head in question, he sat back in his chair waiting. 

The song began and Kuroo looked at Bokuto carefully, watching him close his eyes and focus on the words. His face was relaxed and calm, no longer weighed down by sadness. His brows crinkled. Kuroo panicked. Bokuto opened his eyes that were now glassy, Kuroo went to speak but Bokuto grabbed his hand. He smiled a little sad thing that wanted to pull down the corners of his lips but couldn't. 

"Thank you." he said breathily. The song faded out and Kuroo squeezed the hand holding his and smiled back. 

"Bro." Kuroo said, smirking. 

"Bro!" Bokuto laughed wetly. Once he’d stopped, he drew in a big breath then let out a big groan, hiding his face in their joined hands. He wiped at his eyes conspicuously and shook his head, clearing his throat. 

"Do you feel better?" Kuroo asked, peering at him still. 

"Hell yeah." Bokuto sighed. They chuckled together and let go of each other's hands. 

"C'mon, we need to clean your room before you accidentally invent a new strain of bacteria." Kuroo nudged their feet together before he stood up and took their plates to the sink. 

"Why would you want to put a stop to such a scientific breakthrough?!" Bokuto bellowed out. 

"I'm not ready for a zombie apocalypse and I'm not about to let you bring the end of humanity just ‘cause you won't clean a dish!" Kuroo shouted back. Bokuto laughed his hysterical cackle and Kuroo smiled widely. Bokuto doesn't actually need fixing, in literal terms, he just falls apart sometimes, but Kuroo will always help him put himself back together again. 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is a hot mess but if u wanna go it's just [@bxbyfxcx](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/bxbyfxcx) if u go there bc of a fic send me a message and tell me!
> 
> pls feel free to comment or just leave a lil kudos :^)
> 
> 21/100


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